


Christmas Blues

by benperor-ren (winterelf86)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, ben hates christmas, it brings him bad memories, past break up, quiet pining and past hurts, rey is clumsy and suffers the consequences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22605754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterelf86/pseuds/benperor-ren
Summary: My RFFA gift to karlamartinova! I couldn't decide which prompt to do so I combined some parts of the prompts. At least as much of it as I could fit in. I really, really wanted to go into more depth and make this a multi chapter but I ran out of time and didn't want to run the risk of not completing it in time. I hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	Christmas Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [karlamartinova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/karlamartinova/gifts).



> My RFFA gift to karlamartinova! I couldn't decide which prompt to do so I combined some parts of the prompts. At least as much of it as I could fit in. I really, really wanted to go into more depth and make this a multi chapter but I ran out of time and didn't want to run the risk of not completing it in time. I hope you enjoy!

The first snow had fallen, covering the ground like a white blanket. The emergence of winter weather always marked the increase of Christmas moods. The season when people fervently decorated their houses and you couldn’t walk through the mall or downtown area without hearing a Christmas jingle. The neighborhood already sparkled with multicolored lights and inflated or authentic snow-made snowmen. Rey Johnson’s festive mood rose with each house she drove by, her fingers tapping on the wheel as “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”faded and transitioned into another song. 

Her radio continued to blare with Christmas music as she pulled into her driveway. A few elderly neighbors scowled at her car and angrily mumbled to themselves. Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas” was cut short as Rey turned off her car and opened her trunk to pull out a few bags of new decorations for her tree. Humming the song to herself she walked up the driveway without noticing the black BMW parked by the house next to her. She had just inserted the key into the deadbolt keyhole before she heard someone clear their throat a few feet away from her. 

Rey turned her head to find Ben Solo, son of a now retired Senator and an old childhood friend. As neighbors they had grown up together, attended the same schools, and even dated for a few months in high school before the relationship soured. Their break up happened around this time of year, both of them in tears with Christmas music playing in the background and Christmas tree lights glowing. Then Ben’s father died on Christmas Day, and after that incident she never heard from him again. 

It seemed surreal that he stood before her now, physically larger than the last time she saw him. He had been a gangly teenager in high school, now his body had filled out in adulthood. Ben looked well. Handsome. Grown up. A pink hue filled her cheeks and she looked away from his chest to focus on his face instead.    


“I haven’t seen you since….well, in a while,” Rey muttered, trying not to look him in the eyes too much, the thought of his hatred for her apparent in his eyes frightened her.. When she worked up enough courage she looked at him to find him frowning and her heart dropped.    
  
“Yeah,” was all Ben answered in return, his eyes focusing on the bright blinking lights on Rey’s house. She realized the source of his despondency wasn’t her, but the decorations. Christmas probably brought him bad memories so she wouldn't be surprised if he hated it. 

An awkward silence penetrated the air around them with the tension between them ready to snap. Rey’s anxiety spiked as the silence dragged on and the realization they never had proper closure after their break up frightened her. The wounds likely never healed, especially on Ben's end. She remembered how strongly he felt as a teen and knew he may have held a grudge. 

She made a small noise in an attempt to say his name. “B-ben?” Rey said, her voice shaking.

Ben’s eyes met hers and she saw the reluctance shame in them. 

“Yes?” He responded as he hid his hands in his pockets. 

“A-are you still angry with me?” Rey asked, feeling her heart thud hard against her chest as she feared his answer.

Ben looked down, refusing to meet her eyes this time as he spoke. “Maybe. I won’t lie. I thought the years numbed the pain but seeing you has brought it back. I had to say something because not doing so would bother me.”

“Oh,” Rey responded, bile rising in her throat from Ben’s words. “D-did you want to come inside?”

_ You’re such an idiot _ , she thought to herself.  _ He doesn’t want to be around you _ .

His brown eyes roved over the lit house before settling back on her face. “No, not today at least. I just got back into town and I’m fighting jet lag at the moment.” 

Rey nodded, trying not to let the sting of the apparent rejection hit her hard enough he’d notice.“I understand.” 

When they parted ways she quickly entered the house and shut the door behind her in an attempt to shut out her growing embarrassment. Of course he refused to come inside considering their last memory consisted of them shouting at each other. The words they exchanged were so horrible it would be impossible to take them back, even after all these years. 

She spent the rest of the evening prepping dinner and cooking it. A quick and simple meal would have to do for the night. Her friends would not be in town for another week and ever since her guardian passed she had spent most of her days alone anyway. 

With wine in her hand and her belly full after a pleasing dinner she sat back on her couch watching a Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel. It soon became background noise as she relived the night she and Ben tore each other apart verbally. The years had numbed some of the pain but seeing him again brought it all back and it felt like a weight in her chest. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

_ Rey heard the door slam shut and jumped. Her stomach dropped as she remembered Maz wouldn’t be home for another hour. She almost grabbed a kitchen and stopped in her tracks when she saw Ben standing in front of the door, his eyes red and his chest heaving. Reyshrank back from the fury in his eyes, feeling small and vulnerable.  _

_ He knew. He knew she told his parents. _

_ Ben stormed over to her and she put her back to the wall but glared at him, standing her ground.. Rey felt that her heart to heart with Ben’s parents was for the best. Watching Ben spiral into darkness and possibly end up in jail is something she refused to keep to herself.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Why did you tell them?” Ben asked, his voice raw as if he had been screaming and crying before confronting her.  _

_ "So they can help you, Ben. And I won't be with someone who runs around with a drug gang," Rey bit out, her eyes furious and her position now defensive. _

_ "They’re sending me away, Rey. This will tear us apart,” Ben spat out. _

_ Rey felt her heart grow cold, and she tilted her chin up. “You did that to yourself.” _

_ “Rey….” he choked out, a sob threatening to break his voice. “You can’t mean that or any of this.” _

_ A sigh of frustration left Rey’s lips. He didn’t get it or he was playing dumb. When she heard about him and the Knights of Ren terrorizing a group of teens from another school about drugs she decided the best way to send him a message about their relationship was to cut ties with him and talk to his parents. She loved him, but she refused to be with someone who would destroy himself after she repeatedly told him to leave that horrible gang.  _

_ “ I do. I gave you more than enough chances to leave those people. You’re not going to drag me down with you, Ben. I have a scholarship to acquire and maintain. I have a future.” _

_ "And I don’t? Do we not have a future together, Rey?” He snarled, his fists clenching at his sides. Rey knew if she did not deescalate the situation Ben would put a fist through the drywall, and that would be a lovely thing to explain to Maz.  _

_ “Ben. You need to leave. Your anger scares me,” Rey stated with her voice firm and her eyes staring him down.  _

_ That seemed to convince him she was serious as she watched his eyes soften with defeat. He swallowed hard and a single tear ran down his cheek. More tears followed as his face turned from fury to despair. The coldness in her chest began to thaw at his hurt expression, and her own eyes began to water. But she would not waver, she wouldn’t let him destroy her too.  _

_ Ben turned to open the door and slam it behind him. She heard the Christmas wreath rock back and forth on the front of the door. To her amazement it managed to stay on the hook. Broken wreath ornaments were another thing she did not want to explain to her guardian.  _

\---------------------------------------

Ben plopped down on the couch in his parent’s living room the next evening. He hadn’t seen much of this place since his parents sent him away. The few times he briefly came back he avoided her even if it hurt him and made it harder for him to heal. This time he did not and he wasn’t sure what possessed him to greet her. Ever since that night he loathed Christmas, the blinking lights and decorated trees always took him back to the most horrible night of his life.

Seeing her again helped some. Though he wished he hadn’t been such an awkward ass during their conversation. He sipped on a glass of wine while his thoughts ran wild. The TV in front of him played but he didn’t register what was playing until a Christmas commercial pulled him out of his trance at a screeching volume. The annoying tune of “Jingle Bell Rock” grated on his nerves, making him frown and turn off the TV. 

Sighing to himself and running his hand through his sable locks he turned his head towards the window where he noticed Rey walking around her house setting up more Christmas decorations. A pair of fleece pants hugged her hips and she wore a knitted green sweater. The outfit made his body run hot and he could not help but stare as she moved around the living room. Her hair was pulled up in a little bun and he could see her pretty face through the window. Feeling like a creeper he turned his head away from her, wondering if he should just go to bed. 

And he was going to do just that until he heard a crash from next door and a loud yelp of pain from Rey. All of the bad Christmas memories and thoughts of going to bed vanished as he darted out of the door and ran to her house, knocking the door open with a loud thud. Rey laid sprawled on the floor, her ankle at an odd angle and already swelling. Tears streamed down her face and he did not waste another minute running to her side. 

“I think it’s broken,” Rey muttered with a sob. Ben assessed her ankle and just as he suspected it was swelling and bruising. She winced and cried out as she tried to move her foot and a sharp pain ran up her leg. The sound was like a twisted knife in his chest. For all the heartache and grudges between he did not like seeing her in obvious pain and discomfort. 

“We need to get you to the hospital,” Ben said, determination in his voice.

Rey let out an exasperated sigh when he spoke.  _ Great! An ER bill _ , she thought to herself as she watched Ben call an ambulance. 

Hours later she laid in a hospital bed loopy from painkillers and cuddled up against Ben’s arm while he held her hand. Ben became the guardian of her phone, sending texts to her best friend, Finn, to assure him and his fiance that Rey was recovering and the only thing she suffered from was a broken ankle and altered mental state from drugs. 

Finn replied they would be there in a couple of hours. 

_ Great _ , Ben thought to himself. He wanted as much alone time with Rey as possible, they had a lot of catching up to do. Seeing her hurt had struck something hard within him, breaking it and softening his heart. 

“Mmm, who is sending the text messages?” Rey asked, her speech slightly slurred as sleep threatened to consume her once again. 

“Finn. I’m guessing this is the same Finn we knew in high school?” 

“Yes. That’s him. He and Poe are getting married in July,” Rey explained.

“It doesn’t seem that long ago, does it? It feels like yesterday we were in high school and now the people we know are starting their lives,” Ben said, more to himself than to her. 

Rey looked up at him, sleep heavy in her eyes as she took in Ben’s words. “Mmmm, maybe we can start over,” she said, the last few words slurring as she drifted off to sleep. 

Ben desperately tried to ignore the flutter in his chest as he imagined he and Rey hitting it off again, and maybe becoming something more. This time as mature adults.

\--------------------------------------

A few days passed before the hospital released Rey. After signing an overwhelming amount of paperwork Finn and Poe helped her into their SUV and loaded the wheelchair in the back. Finn mostly ignored Ben, remembering the fallout between him and Rey and how she had been devastated for weeks. Finn had nearly gone broke from the endless supply of ice cream he provided Rey during that hellish time. And he was not ready to forgive and forget just yet.

With Rey cooped up in her house with Finn and Poe watching her Ben kept to himself, not wanting to intrude. He knew he wasn’t welcome and old grudges were still kept between him and Finn. He also feared that he’d cause Rey undue stress and she needed to recuperate.

Days passed and he noticed Finn and Poe putting up more decorations, making Ben groan. His hatred for Christmas growing with every light they stapled to the house and with every little silver bow placed on a wreath. And then there was the large Santa that stood next to Rey’s driveway and scaring the crap out of him every time he walked by his kitchen window. 

Would Rey know if he poked a hole in it and deflated it? 

And were they going to cover the whole house in silly, over-the-top decorations? 

Another week passed and Ben heard a knock on his door, waking him up. Grumbling to himself he managed to put on a shirt despite his sleep induced confusion. No one ever knocked on the door when his parents were gone on vacation. At least he remembered it always being that way. 

When he opened his door his jaw nearly dropped. Rey stood in front of him, using crutches to support her bad leg. Ben’s first instinct was to rush to her and support her but she shook her head at him.

“I’m fine. I promise.” She gave him a small, nervous smile. “I was checking on you. I haven’t seen you since I was released from the hospital.”

“I just wanted to give you some space. Finn and Poe were with you and I thought you might want to pay attention to them,” Ben said with a small shrug.

“I do want to spend time with them but I-” she muttered before nearly falling over on her crutch. Ben caught her and held her up. 

“How about you come inside and sit down. I’ll even make you coffee or tea. Whatever you want.”

Ben led Rey into the living room and watched as her eyes roamed around the room until they landed on a picture of him at sixteen years old. Fond memories flooded her mind upon seeing the photo. A tall, gangly boy with dark curls that barely hid his large, but charming ears. Rey remembered how Ben’s ears turned red when he blushed, especially if she uttered a compliment to him. A small grin formed on her lips as she remember their first kiss, filled with shyness and innocence. 

Ben’s hand at her back snapped her mind back to the present and she noticed his longer sable curls, his strong muscles beneath his shirt, and the extra inches of height he had gained over the years. Rey had to admit he had grown into a man, and a confident one at that. An old feeling resurfaced and she realized that maybe she was falling for him all over again. He had pulled himself out of whatever darkness had plagued him and now he was just Ben. The Ben she knew before it all went to hell. 

Ben helped her sit on the couch before entering the kitchen to brew a tea, one that would relax her. An awkward silence passed them for a moment before Rey finally spoke.

“So, the house has changed a bit since the last time I’ve been here,” Rey pointed out with a small smile, careful not make Ben uncomfortable. He had a lot of memories in this house, and a lot of them hurt. Especially the death of his father.

“Yeah, it has. It’s been changed several times in the past five years. I think it eases mom’s mind sometimes,” Ben explained, his eyes wandering from her face to her hand. 

Rey took the initiative and reached out to take his hand, her much smaller fingers curling around his own. Relief flooded her when Ben didn’t flinch or pull his hand away. Instead he looked up from their entwined hands to her face, his own curious but hopeful. 

“Ben….I….” she started to say before his phone rang, interrupting what was going to be a heartfelt apology and confession. Pulling her hand back she raised it to run her fingers through her hair in frustration.

“It’ll be just a minute. It’s mom.”

Rey perked up at that, suddenly interested as she hadn’t seen Leia too much since that night, despite being neighbors. 

Ben walked to another room and Rey fumbled with her fingers in her lap, feeling like an intruder even though Ben was talking to Leia in another room. Minutes passed and she almost stood up to go back to her house.

The door opened and Rey looked over her shoulder, her weight resting on the crutches. Ben gave a soft smile. “Leaving already? The tea just finished.”

“Sorry,” she said, sitting back down. “I didn’t think you’d want me just hanging around the house while you talked to your mom.”

“Why not?” 

“Because we-” Rey started say before Ben cut her off.

“Because we had a falling out years ago?” Ben asked. Before he could stop himself he blurted out something he never thought he’d said. “Maybe we can start over? Even meet halfway with the Christmas stuff, make something new instead?”

“Make a tradition out of breaking ankles and going to hospitals?” Rey muttered with a slight smirk. 

“I was thinking a tradition of kisses, a fire burning in the fireplace, and a lot less decorations while you cuddle with my on a couch and we watch cheesy Hallmark movies,” he responded, moving closer to her.

“That sounds nice. I’m willing to agree to that,” she said.

“Good,” was all he said before he leaned in and kissed her. He pulled her onto his lap and she broke the kiss to nuzzle his nose. 

She gave him a soft peck on his lips. “To new traditions and new memories.”

“To new traditions and new memories,” Ben said kissing her with a deeper and less chaste kiss. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



End file.
